Manage Your Expectations: Expect Little from Others & Spare Yourself Disappointment

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They Aren’t Content with Allah or with the Most Upright Muslim Rulers

In his book-length letter to a king of his time, the great Maliki Jurist Abu Bakr al-Tartūshi (d. 520 AH رحمه الله) advised with an indispensable advice pertinent to any Muslim charged with any degree of leadership, authority or responsibility for others:

"اعلم أيها الملك أنك إن كملت فيك الخصال المحمودة والأخلاق المشكورة والسيرة المستقيمة، وخالفت نفسك وقهرت هواك ووضعت الأشياء مواضعها، ثم إن الرعية اهتضمت حقك وجهلت قدرك ولم توفك حظك، وبلغك منهم ما يسؤك ورأيت منهم ما لا يعجبك،

“Know, O King, that even if you possess commendable qualities, praiseworthy morals, and an upright conduct, and if you oppose your own desires, overcome your whims, and put things in their proper places, the subjects will still oppress your rights, they will be ignorant of your worth, they will not fulfill your due, and you will hear from them what displeases you and see from them what you do not like.

فاعلم أنك لست بإله

So know that you are not a deity.

فلا تطمع أن يصفو لك منهم ما لا يصفو منهم للإله.

So do not hope to receive from them what they do not give to Allah.

وفصل الخطاب في هذا الباب أن تعلم أن الله خلق الخلائق أجمعين وأنعم عليهم بأنواع من النعم،

The decisive point in this matter is to know that Allah created all creatures and bestowed upon them various blessings.

فأكمل حواسهم وخلق فيهم الشهوات ثم أفاض عليهم نعمة فكملت لهم اللذات،

He perfected their senses and created desires within them, then He poured out His blessings upon them, perfecting their pleasures.

وبعد هذا فما قدروا الله حق قدره ولا عظموه حق عظمته،

Despite this, they did not appreciate Allah as He deserves, nor did they exalt Him as He should be exalted.

بل قالوا فيه ما لا يليق به ووصفوه بما يستحيل عليه، وأضافوا إليه ما يتقدس عنه وسلبوه ما يجب له من الأسماء الحسنى والصفات العلى،

Instead, they said about Him what is not fitting, described Him with what is impossible, attributed to Him what He is sanctified from, and stripped Him of the beautiful names and lofty attributes that are His due.

فمنهم من قال هو ثالث ثلاثة، ومنهم من قال له زوجة، ومنهم من قال له ابن، ومنهم من قال له البنات… ومنهم من يشبهه،

Some said He is the third of three, some said He has a wife, some said He has a son, some said He has daughters…, some likened Him to the creation.

ومنهم من أنكره رأسا وقالوا ما للخلق صانع كما حكاه الخالق عنهم فقال: نموت ونحيا وما يهلكنا إلا الدهر

Some denied Him entirely, saying there is no creator for the creation as He narrated about them, saying: "We die and live and nothing destroys us but time."

وهو مع ذلك يحييهم ويميتهم ويصح أجسامهم وحواسهم ويرزقهم وينعمهم ويقضي مآربهم وأوطارهم، ويمتعهم متاعا حسنا ويبلغهم آمالهم في معظم ما يحتاجون إليه،

Yet He gives them life and death, gives them health in their bodies and senses, provides for them, grants them blessings, fulfills their needs and desires, gives them goodly enjoyment, and allows them to achieve their hopes in most of what they need.

فمعاصيهم إليه صاعدة وبركاته عليهم نازلة، كل يعمل على شاكلته وينفق مما عنده، وكل ذي حال أولى بها.

Their sins ascend to Him while His blessings descend upon them, each acting according to his way and spending from what he has. Each one in his condition is more entitled to it.

وفي مناجاة موسى عليه السلام أنه قال: إلهي أسألك أن لا يقال في ما ليس في! فأوحى الله تعالى إليه: يا موسى ذلك شيء ما فعلته لنفسي فكيف أفعله لك؟

In a supplication of Moses, peace be upon him, he said: "My God, I ask You that it is not said about me what is not in me!" Allah revealed to him: "O Moses, that is something I did not even do for Myself, so how can I do it for you?"

وفي هذه السيرة عبرة لمن اعتبر وذكرى لمن تذكر، مع أنك إن التمست رضاء جميع الناس التمست ما لا يدرك، وكيف يدرك رضاء جميع المخلوقين؟

In this is a lesson for those who consider and a reminder for those who remember, for if you seek the approval of all people, you seek what is unattainable. How can you achieve the approval of all creatures?

فيا أيها الملك الذي كتب الله عليه الفناء والعمر القصير والزمان اليسير والأيام المعدودة والأنفاس المحصورة، كيف أردت أن يصفو لك من الرعية ما لم يصف منهم لخالقهم ورازقهم ومحييهم ومميتهم؟

So, O king, who is destined by Allah to perish, having a short lifespan, limited time, counted days, and numbered breaths, how did you expect from the subjects what they did not even give to their Creator, Sustainer, Giver of life and death?

هيهات هيهات بعيد ما طلبت ومستحيل ما أملت!

Far-fetched, far-fetched is what you seek, and impossible is what you hoped for!

[Allah is the Best Example for Treatment of Others]

فلك في الله أسوة حسنة أن ترضى منهم ما

رضي الله تعالى منهم، وتسير فيهم بسيرة ربهم فيهم،

You have a good example in Allah that you be content with them in the way that Allah is content with them and conduct yourself among them as their Lord does.

ألم تر كيف أحسن إليك ورضي منك باليسير من العمل، وأكثر لك من النعم والأموال والخول؟

Do you not see how He has favored you and is pleased with little from you, has multiplied His blessings, wealth, and gifts for you?

وانظر كيف يستر زلاتك ويغفر هفواتك، ولا يفضحك في خلواتك،

Look at how He covers your faults, forgives your slips, and does not expose your private indiscretions.

ففي هذا ما يمهد النفوس ويهذب ذوي العقول ويهدي إلى الصواب، ويوضح طريق الرشاد.

In this is what softens the souls, refines the intellects, guides to correctness, and clarifies the path of guidance.

ولله در عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله عنه، لقد كان راغبا لما تلوته عليك، فإنه روى عنه أنه كتب إلى عمرو بن العاصي: كن لرعيتك كما تحب أن يكون لك أميرك?

How excellent is Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, for he desired what I have reported to you. It is narrated that he wrote to Amr ibn al-Aas: "Be to your subjects as you love your ruler to be to you!"